Latest Report from Central Command

Iowa City, Tuffy CENCOM, Wednesday, Sept. 20, 11:41 am CDT

Operation Stinky Butt commenced at 17:29 Zulu with a loud shock-and-awe rip on the living room sofa during an unscheduled binky reinsertion. Target was immediately transported via MATS (Maternal Arms Transport System) to nursery and secured on changing pad.

Removal of outer garment and PPS (Poop Protection System) followed at approximately 17:31. Shortly after PPS removal, an MBE (Major Booty Explosion) ensued resulting in TBR (Toxic Booty Residue) dispersion.

New PPS was temporarily placed in service pending completion of MBE, which lasted until approximately 17:35. Target clean-up was completed, a second replacement PPS was attached and target is now resting comfortably. Walls, floors and furniture were evaluated for TBR contamination. Result: negative.

PCG (Primary Caregiver, aka Mom) was treated in the field with paper towels before being transported to bathroom for CCS (Comprehensive Clean-up and Sanitization).